I lost my best friend

My mom died February 1st, 2018 and I cannot seem to move on from
My grief. I know it’s still fresh. There are so many thoughts that have crossed my mind the last few days. Things like when I’m out of unstoabbles it will be the last bottle I bought while she was alive. The last time I heard her voice. What if I forget what it sounds like. I feel so robbed. I’m not even 40 and my mom is gone. I find myself jealous every time I see a birthday older than hers and they are still alive. I know she is with Jesus and out of pain but I need the world to know that she was here and she was loved and she mattered. I’m thankful for the little things. Like in the end she didn’t have time to be scared of death. She had been so sick and had expressed even though she was a Christian she was scared. She got sick on Monday and was  unconscious by Tuesday and gone by Thursday. She never had the time to be scared. I know that people go through this all the time and we are not alone, but I also know that grief takes on a different face for each person. It cuts deep and makes you question everything that you are and believe. It has been 73 days since I lost my mom and the scary part is that number will never go down. It’s not like a countdown where I will see her again in this life. It’s  permanent. I don’t even know how to process this much grief. She was my hero and my best friend. I’m comforted to know that Jesus is holding her in his arms. But nobody signs on for the Dead Moms Club willingly. I’m reading that book right now and I would highly  recommend it for you have lost your mom. It’s written by Kate Spencer and it has really helped me The picture below are my mom with me, My mom with my son, and my mom on her last birthday.


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